Another Bad Relationship? 5 Ways Relationship Counseling Can Help

But all relationships start with one person, you.

And if you’ve had a bad relationship, or perhaps a whole series of bad relationships, the one element you can change for the better is also  you.

A professional counselor can help you work through many aspects of your relationship life so far and equip you with better tools and strategies for the future. How?

Analyze what went wrong

One bad relationship may be an accident, but another one is a pattern.

Counselors specialize in listening to your story, analyzing cause and effect, and identifying patterns that you keep repeating – always with the same unfortunate result.

Consulting a counselor can save you a lot of time here, and may even save you yet another cycle of repeating bad relationship patterns from the past.

Find out what you are really looking for

(…and it might not be what you think!)

Most people can probably identify what they are looking for in a partner. Dating sites and apps require you to navigate checklists and personal statements.

But psychologists know that in close and intimate relationships, unconscious needs and fears can run the show.

In the counseling process, some of these underlying motivations can be brought into awareness. People are often astonished at how much their past relationships (including bad relationships) suddenly make sense when these deep personal patterns are revealed.

You can go through your entire life without knowing what really drives you and what you really want. Or you can try to find out, with your therapist.

Partner selection strategy

Humans are, of course, very sophisticated animals. But partner selection strategies are common to all animals, including ourselves.

If you have had a string of bad relationships, you may need to adjust the way you select your partner. And it’s not all just romance and hormones, as the movies would lead you to believe.

You can make conscious decisions and use both your intelligence and your experience to improve your relationship life.

Attraction

Attraction, even physical attraction, is very much learned behavior.

Different body shapes, different voices, different age and status combinations are considered attractive in different cultures.

You may think that it is a uniquely personal trait of yours to only be attracted to younger skinny blondes with long eyelashes, or to slightly older, tall, dark haired men with six packs, but you would be very wrong. You have been conditioned by the majority preferences in your culture.

Why not try to expand your ability to be attracted or even excited by someone who looks very different from your usual ‘type’?  You might learn a lot about yourself, and it would widen the pool of your potential partners.

Many happy long-term couples report that their partner was not initially their type and that they bonded in a different way.

Comfort level

Beware of feeling too comfortable when you meet someone new.

This may be an indication that you are already slipping back into old, familiar patterns. The ones that produced the bad relationships. It may also be a sign that you are not ready to change your relationship luck.

Communication

The most important tool of all in partner selection is knowing how to talk to each other. Relationship counseling, whether for one or two, is all about clear, authentic, non-aggressive, and non-manipulative communication.

Learn how to own your own feelings and productive ways to ask questions.

Relationship dynamics crash course

Relationship dynamics are the second most common cause of bad relationships.

Who holds the power? Who pursues, who withdraws? Who is direct, who is indirect? How do you push each other’s buttons and why?

In counseling, you become aware of the dynamics you repeat in your relationships and how to transform them into more open and productive strategies.

The number one cause for relationship breakdowns?  Money.

Resilience

Dating can be tough, particularly after another relationship disappointment. Your therapist can help you to create more resilience in dealing with the stress of dating again.

Learn how to react to rejection and setbacks without losing ground in your self-worth. Resilience is about having a good relationship with yourself, and valuing yourself, with or without a partner.

Resilience is also about being real and not getting lost in fears or fantasies.

Overall, relationship counseling for one is a good investment in your own personal future, no matter when or how you find the right person for a happy relationship.